that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
