how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
