I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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