Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
