I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
