1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
