I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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