We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
