IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
