That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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