Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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