If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I supernannyed him into submission
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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