PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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