Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
