I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize