Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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