For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
