so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
