if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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