Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
