I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
