so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There are leaves in my underwear?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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