I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
