honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
