Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
