I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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