the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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