Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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