Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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