Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
