After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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