I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
