i barfeds in our rink
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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