In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
