Nicole vs. Life
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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