angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
