We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
