I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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