I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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