Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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