It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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