so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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