Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
