Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
