Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
