He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
