he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
