it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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