ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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