I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This is my gift to your gina
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
