We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
