I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
