The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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