i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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