my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
