i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
