Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
