Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
