life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
