I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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