Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
