No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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