Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
