More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
