Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
