I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
