Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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