I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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