im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up under a house in Key West
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