Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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