Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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