dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
