I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
