youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
