some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
