hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
